Despite what Hollywood shows us in movie after movie (after the movie), most women (80%, to be exact) do not achieve orgasms from penetrative sex alone. In fact, only 18% of women can. Think about it; only 18 out of every 100 women can experience vaginal orgasm.
That’s a far cry from pornography, erotic books, and romantic movies that show women orgasming every time and in every encounter they have. Now that you know you aren’t alone let’s take a look at reasons women might not have orgasms.
Why So Many Women Don’t Have Orgasms:
1. You’re not built for it
The ability to climax depends on the physical location of your clitoris to your vagina. Many women’s clitorises are too far from the vagina, making direct stimulation impossible or very difficult. The result; many women might not have orgasms from vaginal sex alone. If this is you, all hope is not lost. During sex, try:
- Giving yourself a hand (or showing your partner where to touch during penetration)
- Use a vibrator to help things along
- Try a position that helps achieve clitoral stimulation, such as cowboy (girl on top)
- Save the vaginal penetration for when you are nearly ready to climax
2. You’re not physically ready
You may think you’re ready for direct clitoral stimulation or vaginal orgasm, but one of the key reasons women might not have orgasms during sex is that they aren’t physically prepared. It takes the average woman between twenty minutes to nearly an hour to orgasm.
- Warm-up with some sex toys
- Use a heating or cooling gel to improve the sensitivity of your clitoris
- Mix things up by trying a combination of vaginal sex, oral sex or manual manipulation before heading for the finish line.
- Get yourself in the mood before sliding between the sheets
3. You’re too tired
Tired sex isn’t conducive to orgasm for women. If you find you’re frequently too tired to enjoy sex, try:
- Changing the time of your sexcapades, like the morning or afternoon
- Exercise regularly to release endorphins and give yourself a little extra energy
- Make sure you go to bed early enough to have a sex-sion before you fall to sleep
4. You’re bored
Women might not have orgasms if they are bored with the whole thing. If you’re counting ceiling tiles during sex, you need to change it up a little.
- Try new positions
- Communicate what you’d like to try
- Try having sex somewhere other than your bedroom
- Have sex at different times of the day
5. Your head isn’t in the game
For women, sex is almost 90% mental stimulation. If you are bringing your worries to bed with you, you won’t be able to relax enough to enjoy sex. Distracted women might not have orgasms at all.
- Leave your worries at the door
- Communicate your feelings before climbing between the sheets
- Know when to let go
- Try relaxation techniques (yoga/meditation) before bedtime
- Aroma and light therapy in the bedroom may help the mind to disconnect
6. You are too worried about your body
Your partner doesn’t feel the same about your body as you do. The things you consider flaws are not even on his radar. Still, we get hung up on what our body looks like naked and keep ourselves from enjoying sex.
- Try flattering lighting such as candlelight
- Wear lingerie to make you feel confident
- Understand that men are too happy to be naked with you to worry about what you look like
- Understand that you are your own worst critic and let go
- Make sure you have established trust with your partner
7. You haven’t established trust yet
Casual sex is every women’s right, of course, but many women might not have orgasms during these hook-ups. In fact, only 40% of women will climax during a casual sex-capade. Women aren’t technically “made” for casual sex.
- Pull out all the stops and use toys to help yourself over the hurdle
- Make sure you are practicing safe sex, so you aren’t subconsciously concerned about taking risks
- Make sure your mind is able to disconnect from the physical act itself
- Fly solo until you meet someone you can trust enough to have sex with
8. You’re far too focused on the climax
Sex is a journey that is about both the ride and the destination. Women might not have an orgasm if they are also concerned about the destination. In fact, being too focused on the climax will take all of the fun out of the ride.
- Relax and focus on breathing as you approach the finish line
- Understand that the more you obsess, the less likely you are to have an orgasm
- Use physical means to overcome emotional barriers by using sex toys (almost all women orgasm when using a vibrator targeted on the clitoris)
- Decide that you can and will orgasm before climbing in the sheets
9. You’re not turned on
Women might not orgasms if their minds are not completely turned on. You can turn on the switch, though:
- Take an hour before bed to watch soft porn
- Read an erotic novel before bed
- Think about your night throughout the day
- Reach out for some sexy texting
10. Your partner lacks focus
Women might not orgasm if their partners aren’t tuned to what they need, physically and mentally. This might loop back around to why women might not have sex during a casual hook up, too.
- Tell your partner what you need
- Show your partner what you need
- Don’t be afraid to stop and reset during the encounter if you feel your partner is going to reach the finish line long before you are
- Give yourself a hand to reach climax
- Control the encounter including positions and foreplay
Most women are completely capable of achieving orgasm, but the majority of women might not orgasm through penetrative sex alone. Know your body and understand what it takes for you to achieve climax, and don’t be afraid to share or show your partner.