Marriage is a bittersweet path that can be complicated in just a few steps, right? If you feel identified, this article is for you.
Almost all people dream of getting that ideal person who understands us, loves us unconditionally, and with whom we can marry someday. But not every marriage is happily ever after. In fact, it is natural to have conflicts and problems of coexistence. If you still love and want to fight for that love, feel comfortable as we will talk about how to fix a broken marriage and save your relationship.
“(…) If you decide to leave me at the shore of the heart where I have roots
That on that day, at that hour, I shall lift my arms.
And my roots will set off to seek another land.”
If You Forget Me, a poem by Pablo Neruda
How many poets have described the misfortunes of love? How many of us have felt the sting of heartbreak? How many of us are heartbroken?
Love is one of the most fascinating, and at the same time, the most complex mysteries that have surrounded humankind since the beginning of time.
We have all fallen in love, and we have all suffered for love. But love itself involves a struggle, and it will always be worth it for love.
Amidst these romantic lyrics, you will find solace, empathy, and, most important of all, inspiration to discover how to fix a broken marriage and save your relationship.
Table of Contents
What is Marriage?
Marriage is a social convention, present in almost every culture in the world. It consists of the union between two persons through a marital bond. This link may vary according to each society.
But it is also a way to celebrate the love between these two people. To declare their affection in front of their family and loved ones. And to formalize their relationship to strengthen their commitment.
The main characteristic of marriage is that it offers legal protection for the two people who understand that bond.
Why getting married?
Assuredly, the idea of marriage used to have other implications in the past. People married in adolescence, parents decided marriages, and many times they were business or social alliances. Nowadays, all this seems crazy to us and, maybe in some places, it’s true that people are not obliged to get married anymore. But in others, people are still forced to marry for the wrong reasons.
Celebrating love, building a life together, starting the day with the person you love. Committing, fulfilling dreams and life goals, seeking happiness, facing life together. These are much more valid reasons. A Harvard study even mentions the health advantages of being married.
But it’s also true that it is not a decision that we should take lightly. Choosing the right person is very important. And the main thing is to have a relationship based on respect and communication since those are the two fundamental ingredients for having a healthy relationship.
If you and your partner are facing problems with your marriage, the first question you should ask yourself is if you both really want to fix things.
Remember that we love people till we can and until they want to. We cannot force anyone to choose us, just as we cannot compel them to be cherished.
But if you and your partner still have love burning in your chests, it will always be worth fighting.
Is my marriage broken? How do I know?
It might seem obvious, but it is not always clear.
To know how to fix a broken marriage and save our relationship, we initially need to find out how to acknowledge if we are having real problems. Here we offer you some warning signs.
1. You make decisions individually
A marriage is a couple, a team, and decisions directly affect the functioning of the relationship and the home.
When one of the parties begins to make decisions without consulting, it is a clear sign that there are fractures in that union.
2. You lack balance
If one of the parties feels that the other person is not contributing enough to the relationship, the home or the family nucleus, it is a clear sign of dissatisfaction. It can be an economic issue, a home collaboration problem like cooking, or cleaning.
In a healthy relationship, the two parties share household and relationship tasks equally.
3. You always need to have a reason
If you cannot admit that you are capable of making mistakes, it is a clear sign that things are not going well.
4. Communication problems
If the dialogue has decreased, if you have few things to say to each other and, moreover, you do it evilly, it is also a clear sign of difficulty.
If they speak to each other curtly, with few words, with a whole that shows anger and resentment. If they are scathing and you feel the tension between their conversations, their communication has become passive-aggressive.
You have to be very careful with what we say because there is also verbal abuse. And we must always contemplate abusive situations as a red flag.
5. Problems never stop
A couple in harmony always finds a solution. On the other hand, when a couple is in trouble, there are more problems than solutions.
You fight over anything, even the slightest touch makes you enraged at each other. And instead of working as a team to solve the problems that come your way, you blame each other.
6. Sexual problems
Sexual intercourses become mechanical and boring. It may happen that you no longer have sex anymore.
This is a common issue for couples that have several difficulties and those who live in an environment of hostility.
It can likewise happen that sex is the only thing you have in common- This is also a bad sign. Sex is essential in relationships, but it cannot be the only thing that keeps you together.
Infidelities are a real and very painful consequence of broken relationships, and it is a clear sign. They can be virtual, sexual, or emotional.
Most couples can forgive infidelity, especially if they receive couples therapy.
It is easier to forgive when the infidelity is merely sexual. When it is emotional infidelity, and one of the parties becomes romantically involved with someone else, it is harder to handle.
It is necessary to acknowledge that there is not much to do when infidelities are recurring.
Can my marriage be saved? How do I know?
To know how to fix a broken marriage and save your relationship, the first thing you should ask yourself is if you really want to continue in that relationship. And then ask your partner.
Both you and your partner must have reciprocity. Both of you must still love each other and have the willingness to work to fix the relationship.
If you are both willing to fight for your relationship, then anything is possible.
Relationships are challenging. Coexistence is hard, but you must be patient and fight for your love. Love is such a rare and valuable phenomenon that it will always be worth the effort to maintain and recover it.
How can we do it?
Now that we know our marriage is in trouble, and both parties are willing to work positively to improve the relationship, here are some things that can change and strengthen.
- Be honest with what you want. Explore what you want and need right now, in the most transparent way. Only then you may know your limits when it comes to what you can contribute to the relationship. And you will also know how to ask for what you need.
- Be sincere. Express your feelings, emotions, and thoughts in the most straightforward way possible.
- Improve communication. Try to clarify what you want and find the best way to express it. Be direct and precise. Avoid putting yourself in the role of victim.
- Listen to your partner. Listening carefully, being understanding, and offering support is always the best answer. Remember that communication is essential in any relationship, and listening is part of it.
- Always trust your partner. Trust is grown between both of you, and, to do your part, you just have to believe. Do not over-think everything, go with the flow, and see what happens.
- Accept your partner the way it is. One of the biggest mistakes we can make is wanting to change your partner, and this is a sure source of conflict. Accept their strengths and weaknesses. Find midpoints and create balance. Learn to let go lightly.
- Learn to create and respect spaces. You must have places outside of the relationship, beyond your family, and your work. Meaning hobbies, interests, and also going out with friends. Create and respect your own spaces. You should also encourage your partner to enjoy it owns.
- Evade violating their privacy. Both of you must respect spaces. If you have any questions, express them calmly and constructively. Do not urge each other smartphone, computer, e-mails, or social networks.
- Avoid being a control freak with your partner. Couples must support each other, but not restrain. If you control your partner, you will be invading their spaces, disrespecting their individuality, and creating a hostile environment.
- Take nothing for granted. Do not underestimate the need to say I love you or the power of small details. These displays of affection are healthy in every relationship, and necessary, from time to time.
- Share. Share your emotions, your thoughts, and also share your time. The relationship needs to have its own space, and it must be respected. A good idea is having a date night every week. One night you can go to see a movie, or to the theater. Another night you can go to a restaurant. The purpose of these spaces is to enjoy each other.
- Find activities that you can do together. Maybe start a new hobby, learn to dance or play sports. Something that the two of you enjoy and that helps you share more time outside your home and outside of your responsibilities.
- Be romantic. Express what you feel in different ways. Dare to be creative. Do the things that your partner likes, this way you will show that you really know her/him and that you are genuinely interested in recovering the relationship.
- Distribute the household chores. It’s not only a matter of how much money each person contributes. It’s also important to divide up household activities. That spaces belong to both. The two of you coexist in that space daily, so it’s the responsibility of both to maintain it as a pleasant and healthy space.
- Be patiet. Recovering a relationship takes time. Unquestionably, you two have many things to heal. Do not precipitate. The best things in life take time to grow.
- Seek professional help. Couple therapy is a pretty good option. Having an impartial view will help both of you see things from an unusual angle. Furthermore, during the conflict, it’s always good to have someone who can intervene.
It often happens that people remain too focused on themselves. And that then leads to having problems considering other’s feelings. That is why it is so important to be aware of our partner and regularly asking how it feels.
Enjoying safe spaces, in which everyone can express themselves, generally leads to a successful relationship.
Rebuilding a relationship is challenging. It requires patience, discipline, and a lot of work. So it is crucial to show affection, and create a positive space.
The most powerful thing about love is that when you know how to fix a broken marriage and save your relationship, the first thing you have to do is, keep loving.
Do not give up.
Each story has two versions, and in a relationship, each version is equally valid. The magic of love, the art of love, is that it can transform two paths into one, and walking that path may not always be easy, but it will open infinite horizons for both of you.
“(…) If each day, each hour, you feel that you are destined for me,
with implacable sweetness.
If each day a flower climbs up to your lips to seek me,
Ahh my love, ahh my own, in me all that fire is repeated,
In me, nothing is extinguished or forgotten.
My love feeds on your love, beloved.
And as long as you live, it will be in your arms without leaving mine.”
If You Forget Me, a poem by Pablo Neruda